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epicurean delights and food for thought

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GOURMANDS AND GASTRONOMES TO BE DE-BUFFETED BY PROGRESSIVES FROM WASHINGTON TO MISSISSIPPI

Watching the democratic debate Thursday gave me food for thought. If we’re going to go down the socialist nanny state come November, perhaps I could make a recommendation or two that might be benefit the taxpayer and the future of our country.

Barack Obama mentioned that, instead of spending money on expensive operations, the government could save billions by prescribing dietitians instead of surgeries. What a great idea!

Coincidentally, I just read that one progressive-looking state is considering passing a bill that would forbid restaurants from serving obese people.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0201081fat1.html

Yep, HB #282 in a neighboring state would set criteria to describe patrons who qualify for food service and provide penalties for restaurants that would provide service for their weightier clientele. Having seen more than one "all-you-can-eat" establishment go bankrupt because a few people didn't know when enough was enough, I'm wondering if this isn't a bad thing. Maybe the government can solve all our problems.

Considering all of the suits against fast food restaurants for forcing fattening food down the throats of unsuspecting patrons, and all of the health-related costs of treating medical conditions brought on by poor and excessive eating habits, doesn’t this make sense?

Perhaps we do need Big Brother and Sister to help control our appetites. How many of us have woken up, stepped on a scale, and said to a loved one, “Hey, I just put on forty pounds! How the heck did that happen?" With Barack in the White House, the government might soon provide someone to tell us.

Could it be that all those socialist/progressives are right, and that Big government really is the remedy as they try to protect us from ourselves. And maybe there’s a buck to be made for capitalists like me too. I have an idea I’ve been thinking about that might make it easier for restaurants to determine who qualifies to eat. It’s like those contraptions you walk under at fairs to see if you’re tall enough to ride on the big rides - except in mine, there’s a scale you step on, and if you’re not the right height, the floor drops away and you slide (harmlessly) back out into the street and up into a phone booth (no embarrassment you see?).

I figure I can manufacture them for about $37,000 apiece and, thanks to Obama and progressives everywhere, I should make a killing. Mom and pop wouldn't have to spemd any money. We'd just get the rich to pay. But think of the money all the restaurant owners and fast food corporations would save on legal fees. And people like us who eat normal portions at buffets would probably get a price break on top of it. Seeing restaurant after restaurant close because some patrons are content to sit and gobble down all the huge portions of ribs, popcorn shrimp, and southern fried chicken they can eat might become a thing of the past.

On a more serious note, we would become a healthier nation, and isn't it all about the fat little children? Health insurance rates would plummet, and it'd be so nice not to have to endure all those phony “lose weight with no effort” infomercials at 2 in the morning? While they’re at it, the government might want to consider mandating restaurants open their door only at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, when people have to eat. No more late night trips for doughnuts and cheeseburger in our new America.

Now, if only we can get the government to pay for personal trainers for everyone as well. With progressives in the White House, and peace breaking out all over the world, we'll have to do something with all the soldiers and marines who’ll need real jobs. Ted Kennedy might add years to his life and, if Hillary is elected, she won’t have to hide behind a table or podium so much. We already have the basic training thing down, and we could make McDonald’s and Rally’s cover the costs, so it’ll be FREE!

Great ideas, don’t you think? Only in our new America … but only if you’re a right left-thinking person.

Have a Super Tuesday! Vote your conscious and not your stomach!

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Cherry, nah-nah-nah cherry pie nah-nah-nah-nah-nah
Cherry, nah-nah-nah cherry pie nah-nah-nah-nah-nah
Cherry, nah-nah-nah cherry pie , whoa so good


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